The patients were buzzing âbout the guy in Room Four.
His chart was hung on his door with great care
To make sure his name was not shown anywhere.
The patients were nestled all snug in their beds
While telemetry monitors beeped overhead.
And I in my gown, with its crack in the back,
Had just settled down for my clear liquid snack.
When down the hall there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
I pulled off my leads and flew out the door,
With my IV pole dragging behind on the floor.
Away to Room Four I hurriedly dashed
Unaware of my gown and the nurses I flashed.
As I slid to a halt and leaned to peek in
I heard the nurse say, âSir, you mustnât go in!â
And what did I see when I looked in Bed A
But ole Mr. Claus; on his belly he lay.
Covered in gauze and stuck high in the air
Oh what a sight, âtwas St. Nickâs derriere!
He was yelling at Doris, the nurse at his side
To be tied to this bed, he just could not abide.
He moaned and he bellowed about his ill luck
But there was just nothing for it; the old man was stuck.
âWhat happened to Santa?â to Doris I said,
âWhyâs he on his belly in this hospital bed?â
With a grin she whispered, âHe did something stupid.
He injured his butt when he backed into Cupid.â
But the old manâs ears were sharp as tack.
He heard what she said there behind his back.
âYou had no right to speak, and that is a fact!
Donât you know about HIPAA, the privacy act?â
âYouâre out of HIPAAÂ ompliance, Doris, my dear.
You had no right to tell him âbout my injured rear!
Iâll sue you for breach, and this hospital, too!
You wonât have a job when Iâm through with you!â
âWhen I check my list and then check it twice,
Youâll be in the column labeled âNot Nice.â
The HIPAA patrol will likewise drop by
To find out why you, Doris, did not comply!â
âTheyâll want to know why you opened your yap,
A big, hefty fine on your butt they will slap.
And from me every Christmas you will now see
Nothing but switches and coal âneath your tree.â
Happy Holidays from all of us here at Touchstone Compliance!
(The poem above isnât mine. I came across it
here. If anyone out there knows the author, let me know.)